“I Can’t Make You Love Me”

If you lost your cell phone and had no way of retrieving all of your contacts, how would you go about rebuilding your database? It’s unlikely that would ever happen since all of our data lives in the “cloud,” but it got me to thinking. Who can I call in an emergency? Who wants to share in my highs and lows? Who would I want to share anything that is happening with me?

What sparked this thought was something that I saw on a friend’s Facebook page: “If you’re not invited, don’t go. If you’re not told, don’t ask. A late invitation is an afterthought because you were never top of mind.” I’ve added a bit of my takeaway to it, but I’ve been thinking about that ever since I read it. 

Years ago, I wasn’t invited to a work colleague’s birthday party and when I found out I was hurt. Upon finding out, I went out of my way to buy them a gift in an effort to let them know that I knew that I wasn’t invited to their little soirée. All it accomplished was me being out of $50 to give to someone who didn’t care about me in the first place. I’m sure they appreciated a gift that they didn’t see coming, but was I invited to their party the next year? The year after that? Nope. I was never a part of their plan. 

In retrospect I’m thankful for growth, but back then, that was all-consuming. I’m pretty sure that I told G about it and he most likely told me not to waste my time, but of course I didn’t listen. I had a point to prove, dangit! I failed to understand that I was wasting my time trying to be in a circle of friends who never accepted me as part of their clique. Over time, I’ve come to embrace my own circle, as small or as large as it happens to be depending on the circumstance.  That database I referred to earlier? It begins and ends with them. 

Now when I find that I wasn’t invited to something, I don’t feel slighted. I prefer to think of it as time that doesn’t need to be reclaimed and money saved. If I was top of mind, I would have been on the list. I would like to also mention that just because you’re invited doesn’t mean you have to go. If you can’t make it, you don’t need to make an excuse as to why you can’t go. Unless you want the person to know the reason a simple, “Thanks for inviting me but I can’t make it” will do.

If you’re still stewing over being left out, think of the words of the great Bonnie Raitt: “I can’t make you love me if you don’t.”

#ksmithsays