Some time ago I wrote about how thankful I was for the existing friendships in my life. If I recall correctly, it was during the pandemic and it wasn’t lost on me how important it was to appreciate the special relationships because tomorrow isn’t promised. Last week, a group of my high school classmates celebrated our 50th birthdays and it is amazing to have had such long friendships. Honestly up to this point, I think I’ve been too lackadaisical about turning 50.
However, my attitude about this changed somewhat when I was met with the sad news of the passing of a friend of mine, Mike B, who lost his battle with brain cancer. Ever since it happened, I’ve had trouble putting into words how I feel about the fact that he is no longer living. Even as I write this I’m still in disbelief to some degree.
I would like to thank the public school system because without that, I doubt that we would have ever crossed paths. I’ve known him since elementary school, had classes with him from junior and high school, attended his college graduation, started the party by doing The Electric Slide at his wedding reception, and watched his children grow up from a distance.
I don’t think Michael knew how many loved him. I remember when we were juniors in high school and senior girls started noticing how cute he was. Even then, I don’t think he understood that he was one of a kind. Truly, he was one of the nicest people I would ever know. I don’t recall ever hearing him yell, even though I’m sure he had his share of irritants especially during the days of his illness.
Over the past 20 or so years, we were a part of an unlikely quartet that went to lunch every so often, and then we started meeting for happy hour gatherings. I say that our foursome was unlikely because of what you see in this pic: two Black women and two Caucasian men. The last few years made it hard for us to gather as often because one of us moved out of state and it was hard to find a time to connect as our families grew. During the pandemic, we even met via Zoom. It wasn’t the same as a personal connection, but it was good to see them and laugh with them.
I remember sending the guys a text one day and asking them, “Okay, as white guys, what do you think of this?” and getting a kick out of their answers. To this day I don’t recall what the actual question was, but how cool is it to have friends who stand at the ready to offer an opinion with no judgment? There were also times when I hoped that as a Black woman I helped them to understand a particular situation from my perspective, whether it was about my hair or about being treated unfairly in society.
In many ways we had much in common and in others, obviously we couldn’t be more different. I’ve enjoyed learning from each of them and hearing their perspectives on everything from politics to marriage to child rearing. A few of those happy hours included our spouses, and one of the last ones was at Woody’s home, which allowed Mike and his wife to bring their kids while Woody’s older kids watched over them.
For me our quartet didn’t seem strange. It only occurred to me that it was a bit different when I told people about it. Was it because it was a grouping of people of a different color or because some don’t think that men and women can be friends? Nevertheless, a part of our circle is missing and it’s unsettling to say the least. I still have our group text thread that I will hold on to for a good long while. It’s chock full of randomness that I will treasure.
I’m thankful that I’m sad that my friend is no longer here because it means that I had a cherished friendship that enriched my life. This past October, I was blessed to have been able to help him celebrate his 50th birthday. That would be the last time I saw him. I understand that the last few months were difficult for him, but he still maintained his witty sense of humor as best he could. We still communicated via text messages and through friends and he knew I loved him and he loved G and me.
So turning 50 will hit much differently than I initially thought. I will take with it thoughts of gratefulness that I’ve had the privilege of being a part of an unlikely group of people who each brought something magnificent to my life. The next time we gather, whenever it will be, I know that we will toast our friend and will remember him fondly. Love you always, Mike B.
#ksmithsays
ksmithsays 