Celebrate in Moderation

Today is National Daughter Day and you will no doubt see lots of posts from proud parents on social media, and rightfully so. As a fur baby parent to female miniature schnauzers, I like to join the fun. I’m not sure how long this day and all these other celebratory days have been in existence, but I believe that we need to handle these types of days with care. 

While there are many who celebrate these moments, there are also a great many who have a hard time dealing with these days at the same time. Unless you are unable to conceive, or you suffer a miscarriage, or your daughter is taken from you in another tragic way, you might not get it.  Am I saying not to celebrate? Heavens no! I’m just throwing out that your celebration might trigger unhappiness in others. Not because they aren’t happy for you, but most likely because of a personal unpleasant experience. 

If you’re wondering if I’m talking about myself, G and I decided before we married that we didn’t want to have humans, and we have no regrets. What I have learned over the years is the following:

1. Don’t ask newly married couples when they’re going to have a baby,

2. If said couple says they don’t plan to have children, don’t tell them that they should,

3. Don’t ask a single woman when she plans to marry and have children,

4. Don’t ask an older woman why she never had kids

5. Just don’t ask. 

While I’m at it, you shouldn’t ask men this, either. 

I had a friend tell me that I should have a child so that I could have someone to love me unconditionally. I can point you to many examples of how this is not the case. Plus, that’s not a reason to have a child. Nor is hoping that someone will take care of you when you’re older. I’m getting off topic, so I’ll just leave that there. 

Back to National Daughter Day. Celebrate your female offspring! 

#ksmithsays

A Firm Foundation

As I get older, it is proving to be more difficult to stay at my fighting weight. In fact, I would love to be a good 20 pounds lighter than I am now. I used to be able to eat a whole bag of Cheez-its and not give it a second thought (that wasn’t an everyday thing just so you know). I’m almost 50 and I have to watch what I eat for my health and my waistline. 

Like many of you, I have a few items in my closet that I wish fit more loosely. I’m claiming that I will get into those pieces before the end of the year. When (not if) I’m successful, I’ll share some before and after pics. Until then, I want to pass along some thoughts that I’ve shared previously that bear repeating. 

I’ve seen ladies wearing dresses recently that have untraditional necklines, meaning one side might be off the shoulder, or the bodice might prevent wearing a regular looking bra. In these cases, it’s helpful to find the appropriate foundational garments. Ladies, if you are blessed in the chest and you want to wear one of these dresses, go ahead and invest in one of those convertible bras from a high-end store. One that will hold those girls in place while being invisible if that makes sense. 

Let’s not forget about our bottom halves, too. Foundational garments have come a long way since the girdles my mom used to wear. My Facebook feed is full of those ads that show those support garments that promote a smooth waistline. If you invest in a good bra, make sure the rest of you is snatched, too. 

Men, you’re not off the hook either. If you’re going to wear pleated slacks, make sure they lay flat. If they are stretched out, you might need to go up a size. There’s no shame in this. No one knows what size you wear unless you tell them. Men and women look worse in clothes that are too tight.

I’ve said this before: if you’re in doubt about how you look, take a picture. My clever husband took a picture of me from the back rather than tell me that I was spilling out of a dress. It was tough to accept, but I realized at the time that I wasn’t going to be able to fit it anytime soon and ended up passing it along to a friend. 

I’m no expert and won’t begin to tell you any of you what to do. I’m going to share my personal experience. For me, it’s not enough that I can fit into something. I want to be able to look my best from top to bottom. I’d love to help my friends look their best, too. 

#ksmithsays

It’s Our Anniversary

Soon, G and I will celebrate our 22nd anniversary. If anyone who has been married longer than a second says that they’ve never had an argument, they’re lying.  You’re not always going to agree with the other person. There’s going to be something that just sticks in your craw, and how you handle it is your choice. 

I’ve shared before that I didn’t see love shown in the traditional sense between my parents, so rather than perpetuate that same thing in my marriage, it’s important that we work to have a loving home in the following ways. 

We always greet each other with a kiss when we get home or when we leave. Even if we have just had a disagreement, and it’s a quick peck, it’s pretty much a rule that we say, “see ya later,” and go our separate ways. 

I know that he can’t read my mind. I might look at him a certain way which will signal that I’m unhappy, but unless I express it, I can’t expect him to know. In the early days of our marriage, I didn’t get it, and it caused a lot of unnecessary squabbles. Youth is wasted on the young they say. 

To piggyback on the previous point, it is each person’s responsibility to let the other know what they need. You would think this doesn’t need to be mentioned, but G might not know that I need something done a certain way and vice versa. If he tells me something that he needs and I fail to meet that need, I have not done my best by him. 

Also, the last thing I’m going to do is go to social media to air any grievances. Sure, I’ll post pictures that G has taken of me while I’m sleeping or refer to him as my lovable curmudgeon, but I don’t want fifty eleven people weighing in on what I should do, and if it’s bad enough, I’ll have fifty eleven people looking at me sideways because of what I chose to do. I know I’m not the only person to screenshot something and send it to a friend wondering what is going on with Jack and Diane. I don’t want y’all texting about me either!

I said it before and I’ll say it again: marriage is hard, but I’m thankful that I chose to enter this relationship with my best friend. Have some friends in which to confide, consult a therapist, counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist, or do whatever you need to do (within reason) to protect your relationship. You are each with whom the other has chosen to do this life thing. Be good to one another.

#ksmithsays

Gotta Keep on Pushin’

My Facebook friends know that I am an avid CrossFitter because I always check in from my box, Omnis CrossFit West (mostly because they donate $.50 for each social media check-in to a different nonprofit each month). That being said, they know that I’m usually getting my workout on before I go to work. 

Lately I haven’t been able to work out as much as usual. A few months ago, I was doing a sumo deadlift and my body let me know that it wasn’t used to moving that way, and I developed sciatica (meaning that I had a bit of radiating pain on my left side for a bit) which made it difficult to move and lift as normal. A few weeks ago, I started out being able to lift, run and move as usual, but mid-week, I was practicing my beloved box jumps and skinned my left leg to the white meat when I attempted a 24” box. It was more shocking to me than painful because I have jumped on a 36” box before without incident. 

After I had a pouty moment, I got back on the box and worked out with the rest of my crew. A full week after,  I returned all prepared to do double-unders (two turns of a rope instead of one), but still felt some tenderness around that gash and decided not to push myself. 

This isn’t the first time that I have been injured, but I want my normal mobility back, dangit!  Now that I’m reading this over to myself I realize that this is such a first world problem. A woman complaining about not being able to work out while so many others are concerned about life or death situations: where is their next meal coming from, how will they afford insurance, etc. However, it’s important for me, and each of us, to practice self-care, and the ability to work out my physical body allows me to not snap at people for saying hello. I’m not that bad, but working out allows me the opportunity to escape reality for that one hour, which is therapeutic because there are so many things that consume my attention. 

So I’m going to stop giving myself a hard time because I can’t lift as much or jump as high as I would like to right now, and be thankful that I have a reasonable portion of health and strength, as well as a sound mind. (It’s a good thing that I didn’t push myself, as I later learned that I indeed injured muscle when I cut my leg, so I wasn’t being overly dramatic when I couldn’t move about as usual.) I have to keep it moving, because I unfortunately inherited a not so great family health history of diabetes, congestive heart failure, and renal failure. Thus, I’m not trying to continue a vicious cycle. At the same time, I need to go back to the basics of drinking a gallon of water a day and taking even more care to plan what I eat like I used to. You’ll probably be hearing about that, too. 

I just have to keep on keepin’ on, and I encourage you to do the same. I intend to be as sassy as I can for as long as I can, so being physically fit is important to that all that sass. 

#ksmithsays

It’s Already Homecoming Time?

It’s early September but I’ve already seen a mom post that her daughter was selected to be a maid on her school’s homecoming court. I wrote this for prom season, but it applies to homecoming, too.

In no way am I purporting to be an expert, but I would like to think I know what looks good, and I think it comes to me honestly. My mom loved clothes, probably because she wore a uniform in her housekeeping days, and she looked forward to expressing her style on the weekends. She wasn’t a small woman but she always knew what looked good on her, which always stuck with me.

No matter your size, there is a fit and cut that will look good on you. Here are some helpful hints for those young ladies who are about to start looking for homecoming attire, whether you are on the court or attending the dance. It occurred to me that while some of this is simple for some it may not be for others.

1. A dear friend told me this and it’s so true: foundation, or lack thereof, can make or break a dress. Parents, please make sure that your daughters have on the appropriate undergarments for their dress. This is key! For heaven’s sake, take your daughter to a store and get measured for a bra, and please do not let her wear a regular bra with a strapless gown. It has happened.

2. Understand what cut looks good on your body type. I’ve seen a lot of body-hugging dresses with splits up to the navel this season and guess what? That fit isn’t for everyone, even “skinny” girls. This isn’t prom-related, but I was disappointed in seeing a wedding gown on a young lady who would have looked better in a princess cut, only because she thought a straight cut was more flattering. The dress itself was pretty but the cut didn’t do her figure justice in my opinion.

3. If you’re unsure of what looks good on you, ask a trusted friend to go shopping with you. This goes without saying, but make sure said friend will provide honest and kind feedback and has a sense of style. If you can’t coordinate with anyone, ask the sales associate to take a picture, which as we all know will say a thousand words. There is no shame in asking! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve texted friends I trust to ask how something looks. It’s all about knowing what looks good on you and owning that style. When you know you look good, your attitude will exude that.

Parents, I hope this makes sense. (If any single fathers are reading this, take a sister, cousin or friend with you when you go dress shopping. Do not leave it up to your daughter to pick out her own dress!) When you think about it, this goes way beyond the homecoming, as there are so many layers to body acceptance and positive self-esteem. Teach your daughters to love the skin they’re in and dress it accordingly.

Say Thank You Already!

When I was younger, I used to have a hard time accepting compliments. Heck, I still do! Why is it hard for us to say “thank you” when someone tells us we look nice, they like our cologne, or our hair, without making an excuse?

I kid you not, whenever someone says, “Nice dress,” and it’s like 10 years old, I say, “Thanks! It’s an ‘oldie but goodie’!” I have to coach myself to say “Thank You.” Why can’t I just say “Thank you,” and go about my day? This is something that I’ve struggled with all of my life.

I should believe that person genuinely believes that I’m wearing a nice dress, and there’s nothing I need to say to explain it away. By doing that, it’s as if I’m de-legitimizing their compliment in a way. I should own it, and so should you.

I could be wrong, but I find that more women are modest about accepting compliments than men. I can’t remember the last time I told my boss that I liked his tie and he said, “You do? I was wondering if it was going to look okay with this shirt!” Ladies, let’s take a page from the men’s playbook and say “Thank you!”

Now, we don’t have problems saying “thank you” because we haven’t always been sincere when giving compliments, is it? If I’m not feeling it, I ain’t sayin’ it. I don’t give empty compliments, and we as a people should stop it. I think that’s why we have all these people on talent shows who can’t carry a tune in a bucket thinking they can sing because no one told them they couldn’t. However, giving constructive criticism is another discussion.

#ksmithsays

Betting on Sororities?

For my friends who have college kids and/or those who were in Greek organizations, I have seen a lot of pictures of bid days, more than I’ve ever seen. So technically your daughter or son can be a member of a sorority or fraternity without even setting foot in a classroom? Fascinating!

There are many differences in the National Pan-Hellenic (otherwise known as the Divine Nine, or majority Black Greek fraternities and sororities) organizations and the “traditional, majority” Greek systems (Chi Omega, Pi Beta Phi, etc.)

It seems that the biggest difference is how you become a member. From my experience, after being on campus for a few years and getting up the nerve, I decided to attend an AKA interest session, back when they had those meetings. I sought only that organization because that was the direction I chose.

It looks like it’s different for the traditional Greek organizations. Apparently you petition to join, and based on who chooses you, that’s your sorority or fraternity? What happens if you’re not selected by your first choice? Are you happy to still be a part? From the pics I’ve seen it doesn’t matter.

Most, if not all Pan-Hellenic Greek organizations require that in order to join, you must have at least 12 semester hours at least a C average, so a student would have to be on campus for at least a semester before they can even be considered.

I would love some dialogue on this because in my mind, if I didn’t get selected by the group I really wanted, I would be disappointed. If I’m missing something, please enlighten me.

From Fledglings to Eagles

This weekend my timeline has been full of kids making the move to college, and it’s bittersweet for me as I’ve seen many of them grow up before my eyes. I might lose some friends over this post (or at least spark some lively discussion), but I’m going to post anyway.


I don’t have children, nor have I ever had a strong desire to have them, but I do admit that I have definite opinions about how today’s children are being raised. I work on a college campus and while I’m on the alumni side of things and don’t often interact with students until they graduate, I’d like to pass on some things to you as you drop off your children for their next chapter. (I’m referring to them as children because they’re not yet grown, even though they are 18+.)


Let them make their own mistakes. A friend said that she wanted to make a situation easier for her daughter because no one did it for her when she was her age. I asked her why she felt she needed to do that. I reminded my friend that she turned out okay by going through that particular situation. You made it, too.


Don’t call your child’s professor if they have a bad grade. Did your mom or dad call your college math professor? If your answer is “Yes,” that’s not the answer I expected. If your child tells you they are not doing well, you might suggest that they ask the professor if they can do an extra assignment, but leave it there. They’ll have to figure out how to manage.


Equip your children with soft skills. A former employee didn’t know what a cashier’s check was, nor did they know where to get one. That, as well as how to generally navigate through life without you having to hold their hands are essential tools to pass onto them. You will want them to learn how to pay bills, too, unless you want to have perpetual children for life.


I’ll admit that if I had children, I might want to go the extra mile for them, but I remember that there were things that I had to learn for myself. Growing up, my mom was not my friend. She would sometimes make sure I didn’t oversleep, but after that it was up to me. If we continuously do everything for our children, how will they know how to function? I hope they know how much money you have spent to decorate their rooms and to make sure they are appropriately dressed, because from what I’ve seen that alone is a small fortune.


Mane! I know that parenting is hard, but if you had to learn hard lessons, don’t you think your kids do, too? Rejection, disappointment, loss, happiness, joy, and all the emotions are what we all need to experience to be productive citizens. Don’t rob them of those memories.


If you want to fight me, or reply with a sternly worded post, so be it. I can take it.

Birds and the Bees (for friends who have just dropped off their kids at college)

Now that you have left your precious babies at their respective places of higher learning, did you give them the sex talk? If my last post struck a nerve, you might want to stop reading now because, er well…

You might be prudish and shy away from such things, but please know that if they don’t already know, they’re going to find out with a quickness. Think about what you were doing when you were 18. I don’t remember my mom sitting me down to get the talk because when I was seven, my 17 year-old brother became a father, so I kinda put two and two together before that 8th grade health class.

I’ve seen all of these beautiful rooms that will be their home away from home for the next year at least, so just make sure that your kiddos are being careful when they’re not in your presence (and in their dorms).

I sure hope they have fun, meet new people, expand their horizons and all the good things. At the same time, I hope you have taught them that their bodies are their own, that no means no (for girls and boys), and that they are in school to learn and in turn graduate and become positive contributors to society.

No one died and made me an expert on anything, but this is real talk. If it makes you uncomfortable, it’s okay, but your babies are growing up and they need to know more about the birds and the bees than Daphne Bridgerton did when she married the Duke.

Love y’all. Mean it.

Commencement and CashApp


I can count on one hand how many graduation invitations I have received this year. I miss them, too. I might be one of a few people who do this, but I save them as well as Christmas cards but like I said, I might be the only one. Because I’m old school I guess, I’m more inclined to respond to something I receive in the mail. I appreciate the effort to make sure that I received a personal invitation.

I can tell you that I have seen multiple posts on Facebook with graduates’ Cash App handles. Okay. (For those of you who may not know, Cash App is an app that allows people to send money electronically.)


Parents, if you are going to post such information, will you please make sure that your graduate acknowledges Cash App gifts? I Cash Apped (is that the lingo?) a young man for his graduation and he replied with a ♥️. I was glad because I had never sent him anything before and I appreciated the confirmation. Sending a check or other gift works the same way: I’d like to know that you received it rather than waiting for the bank to inform me that it’s been cashed.


Parents, please teach your children the importance of saying thank you. I’m not talking about a printed thank you card made for everyone. I’m talking about an old-fashioned thank you card that’s blank inside where you actually write how thankful you were to receive the gift and how you will use it.


I’ve said this before: if I’ve taken the time to send the graduate a gift, shouldn’t you (preferably them) take the time to appropriately thank me? I don’t do things to be thanked, but thanking people for thinking of you is just the right thing to do. This is something that must be taught. Cash App is cool, but I’m afraid it’s yet another mechanism to make us lazy. I get that it’s expensive to get the invitations made, but since y’all celebrate every dang milestone to the utmost from kindergarten “graduation” to eighth grade “graduation” you can save a little in your budgets for invitations for the “big” graduation, right?


The act of sending handwritten notes should continue throughout life: when you apply for a job, when someone does something nice for you, or just because you were thinking of someone.


I realize that this might be an unpopular opinion, but so be it. It was your choice to keep reading. 😏


Up next (probably): to the graduates, now that you’ve graduated, what’s next?