One Last Look

This is a departure from my mostly lighthearted posts, so read with caution. 

For some people, death is an uncomfortable topic. For me, I’ve had to face it probably more than others, as my mother passed away 22 years ago and it has been six years since my father passed away. As a church musician, I’ve had to play piano at more funerals than I can count. This past week, a childhood friend of mine passed away as well as a cousin, so this topic is fresh on my mind. 

I grew up in the Baptist church, and one tradition that I never understood is the practice of reopening the casket after the eulogy. I realize that a number of my friends have never attended a funeral like this, so this may not resonate. For my church going friends, to me it seems to be an insult to injury. Allow me to elaborate. 

At most of the funerals that I have attended, there’s a general pattern: processional, prayer, scripture, choir selections, resolution, short talks, silent reading of the obituary, eulogy, recessional. The period between the eulogy and recessional is the issue. If the eulogy is appropriately delivered, family and friends should feel hopeful that their loved one is in a better place. Even if you don’t believe in the afterlife, the eulogy should at least provide you with some peace. Granted, you know full well that your loved one has died, but depending on what you believe, you will see them again. 

However, a lot of families feel the need to reopen the casket after the eulogy, I guess to say a final goodbye. Isn’t this counter productive? Why would you want that to be the last memory you have of your loved one? This is my opinion, but reopening the casket is like ripping a bandaid off a brand new wound. 

Families: if people don’t get to the funeral in time to see the dearly departed, you don’t owe them a final view. It’s always sad to watch people walking by the family waving,  hugging, and looking upon them with sympathy. I thought this was only a “Black thing,” but after talking about this somber subject with an old friend, it happens in Caucasian churches as well. 

I’m willing to bet that a number of you have endured the passing of a loved one in this past year. Whether it has been due to Covid or another condition, or unexpected tragedy. Mom had a prolonged illness but passed suddenly while Dad faded away over time. I can’t say I prefer either way of having to say farewell. For both of their homegoings (which is what I prefer to call them instead of funerals) we had the viewing beforehand. I can tell you that if we had opened up those caskets, it would have triggered feelings of extreme sadness and possibly regret. We didn’t need that following us for the rest of our lives. 

Funerals are a way to remember how special our loved ones are to us, not to focus on the fact that you will never see them again. Why not keep that bright smile, those dimples, or whatever distinguishing characteristics in your head? Trust me, that last view doesn’t compare to the person you knew and loved. 

#ksmithsays